Carlos Xuma teaches "Dating Dynamics" and is a Dating Guru
Who is Carlos Xuma?
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| Carlos Xuma Interview on Dating Dynamics and Attracting Women |
Carlos Xuma: I've been helping guys get more success with women for the last seven years on the Internet.
Before that, I went through a long and hard journey of trying to figure out how and why my dating life had gone so very wrong. I was reading books on relationships, and all the stuff you find in the bookstores, but they were all written by people who really weren't getting very good results in their own lives.
They talked about the way things SHOULD be - logically. But, as we know, attraction is anything but logical.
My big focus now is helping guys overcome their own self-limiting beliefs and master both the INNER game of attraction (confidence, self-esteem, etc.), as well as the skills - the OUTER game of attraction.
I also teach guys about MOTIVATION - which is the fuel for all the things a you will accomplish in your life.
This is what I call the "Triple-Threat": Motivation, Inner Game, Outer Game.
With all three of these in place, you're unstoppable.
Mistakes That Men Make When They Try to Meet Women
John: What do you think is the worst mistake that men make when they try to meet women?
Carlos Xuma: What is the worst mistake men make when they try to meet women?
In my opinion, the worst mistake men make when they try to meet women is how most guys THINK when they go out. You see, all of the questions I get from guys have two parts - the inner and the outer, and one is a matter of *beliefs*, and the other is a matter of knowing the correct WHAT to do - the ACTIONS.
First, when most guys go out, they are thinking about GETTING women. This is the first big mistake. You're focused on your own needs and wants and not enough on GIVING to other people. If you go out with this "I want to get a woman" mentality, women will pick it up. Even guys can sense a selfish agenda.
But you can have a healthy DESIRE for a woman that creates something much more intense than just physical intimacy, and that involves a change of attitude.
Ask yourself a simple question: "If she knew what my motives were, could I blame her for her reaction?"
Guys don't realize that women want sex even MORE than they do. They enjoy it more than we do, why wouldn't they? But they have a much better ability to control that desire with protective instinct.
Best Places to Meet Women
John: In your opinion, where is one of the best places to meet women? Tell us about a place that men can meet women that a lot of guys don't know about.
Carlos Xuma: Honestly, speed dating. I used to do these events all the time, and I'd come away with a girlfriend every time I did one. Plus, they are excellent places to hone and refine your social skills. I'd try out new conversation and new questions, and I'd really get a feel for what works with a woman.
You see, you have to work the numbers. 95% of the guys I talk to are meeting LESS than 1 woman a week. Once you get past the "approach anxiety" challenge - something that every guy has, and I show you how to get past it - you see that it's all about meeting enough women that you can make an educated choice as to the one you create a relationship with.
The next best place for guys is online dating. Every guy knows about this one, but not every guy is using it to his advantage - or correctly. Most guys quit before they get the results they're looking for, and it's simply a job of tweaking his approach. In my opinion, you need to have more than 2 ways to meet women that you're using ALL the time.
Training Guys to Meet Women
John: What process do you take guys through when you're training them to meet women?
Carlos Xuma: The first step is a complete reboot of their masculine operating system. This is a clearing out of their old thoughts and mistaken beliefs about women and social dynamics. Next up is a complete reload of their operating system with Alpha Man OS. This is simply re-educating a guy to what being a MAN in today's world really is.
Once you understand the changes in thinking that need to take place, you then have to have a game plan for implementing them into your life so that they become your natural way of acting and thinking. Again, I'm teaching guys the big picture stuff here, not the "how to get laid with the drunk bar chick at 2:00 AM" method.
The next step after that is to unlock your motivation.
How to be More Attractive to Women
John: What is one thing a guy can do right now to increase his attractiveness to women? How do be more attractive to women?
Carlos Xuma: First of all, get in touch with your real passions in life. There is no single thing that I have found that has had such a drastic effect as really getting in touch with what gets me fired up about LIFE. And let me assure you guys out there that are thinking: "Women are my passion!" NO. Women are not a true passion. They are an outlet of your sexual drive, but not your TRUE passion.
When women find a guy that's just into women, or appears to be, he trips their radar in all sorts of bad ways. She knows that this guy is not a good bet for her evolutionary success.
When you find the things that get you excited about life - like your hobbies and your goals and your relationships in general - you will pay less attention to women for your fulfillment, which ironically makes you more attractive to them.
So, that being said, guys still want to be more successful with women along the way, so we can do that, too. Here's a way you can use this right now:
Right now, take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things that really get you fired up about life. Detail them in terms of their sensory experience. If you like snowboarding (as I do), then you might write something like: Snowboarding - the sense of wind and biting air on my face, the relentless rush of speed down the mountain, the moments of catching air and feeling your heart stop in your chest, etc.
The more sensory description you can put into it the better. Then, memorize this and talk about it when you're with a woman. I guarantee you this will work better than almost any "script" or fake routine you can find out there. Why? Because it's genuine and YOURS.
Also, the most potent and immediate thing you can do with a woman to generate attraction is to be FUN.
If you're too serious and too focused on what you're trying to get, you can't be fun. And when you create the frame of giving her fun and excitement, you will also be focused on the GIVING.
Make FUN your focus, and you'll start seeing a radical difference in your results.
John: Name one of your b biggest A-HA! moments in learning about attraction, attraction science, and social dynamics?
Carlos Xuma: I remember I was reading a book that talked about the fact that relationships between people are not logical. As much as we want things to be the way they SHOULD be - like everyone treating everyone fairly, no prejudice, etc. - it isn't this way. We don't relate in any logical ways. And if you fight this reality, you'll always be crying about life not being "fair" to you.
Then I realized that it didn't really matter what *I* wanted. I could want a woman to like me and do everything I could to impress her. If she wasn't attracted to me, it wouldn't change anything. You can't force someone to like you or desire you. Plain and simple.
Unless I can see through a woman's eyes and see what it is that makes her interested and attracted, I could push forever and never get her interested in me. So I switched my point of view.
Ask yourself this question: What matters more to the woman you're interested in - what YOU want, or what SHE wants?
Then it all came down to a matter of one more question - What can I do to influence others that gets results? AND does it so that we BOTH win?
The answer to that question is what I teach guys. Because that's the ethically correct way, and the way that gets me what I want at the same time. Win-Win.
Crazy Dating Guru Stories
John: Tell the Game of Dating Blog Community about some of your wildest moments or craziest experiences that you had during your time as a dating master or dating guru.
Carlos Xuma: Well, when I had finally started to get the hang of how to handle social interactions with women where I was getting a lot of good results, I remember I once had a weekend where I was meeting 6 different women in two days. I thought that was really cool - complicated, but very cool. I finally had that sense of "arriving," you know? Where my hard work had finally gotten me to a turning point in my life.
Since then, I've had up and down times, but I've never felt like I would ever be "alone" or wanting for female companionship. I always feel like I'm within a few minutes of meeting a woman, whether that's on the street, or online, or whatever. I got past my scarcity mindset, and now life truly feels abundant. And not just with women.
Now I spend my time helping other guys get to that same place in their lives.
I've been sworn to secrecy about some of the other crazy times, like waking up in the back of a truck full of band equipment... but that's another story...
Dating Dynamics and Attraction Science
John: What is it about "Dating Dynamics" and "Attraction Science" that you feel differs from the competition?
Carlos Xuma: I teach a holistic approach to dating. I don't JUST teach guys how to be attractive to QUALITY women - and I teach them how to attract friends, success, money, and a balanced peaceful lifestyle. I teach guys the BIG picture of how success with women translates to the rest of their lives - and how to do it with honor and integrity.
Guys get massive results from what I teach because I'm not giving you an imaginary magic pill or magic bullet. There is none, and I'm sure there's quite a few guys reading this that have bought some program in the hopes that it would be.
I give guys lasting and deeply fulfilling success in their dating - and in the rest of their life, too.
Natural Conversation vs Canned Scripted Material
John: Please tell the Game of Dating Blog community how you feel about natural, improvised conversation vs canned scripted material in meeting and attracting women?
Carlos Xuma: I know there are a lot of guys out there that see this picture as very black-and-white. There's one camp that thinks that you should NEVER use anything memorized or pre-rehearsed because that's fake. The other camp thinks that you must use canned material because you can apply it in a predictable way.
Here's what I feel...
You DO need pre-rehearsed material to get the hang of how social interactions work.
BUT only as long as you need them to start generating your own results.
If you're talking with most people with no problem, and your social ability is okay in 90% in most situations, but when you get in front of a woman that you're attracted to you lose your cool, it's not a matter of what you're saying. It's what you're THINKING. And that's part of my Alpha Man operating system that I show guys.
You want to shift to natural conversation as quickly as you possibly can. Anything you've rehearsed or memorized is only a tool to get you past those occasional moments where you have a brain-fart, or you blank out because you're in a low-energy state.
Your first focus should be relaxation and calming your mind, then use something convenient to open the conversation. From there, your focus is purely on the "vibe" in the interaction. The "vibe" is the ability to be in-the-moment with a woman and get improvisational with her. It's not hard, and again, it's a huge topic to discuss here. I wrote a book on vibing that guys can get from me directly.
John: What's your favorite opening line or opener when you approach women?
Carlos Xuma: I like to let the situation dictate what I say to a woman because it allows for such a natural flow to the interaction. Being authentic is the most important way to walk up and start a conversation. However, there are some things that I will say if my mind is blank, and that's where having a few good "lines" memorized can come in handy. Let me emphasize here that this does not mean you should rely on canned routines for your conversation. ONLY the opening should be memorized.
One of my favorite openers is this: "Hi, I just had a second to come over and let you know that I think you have a really great energy about you. I really liked that about you and I thought you should know. My name is Carlos..."
It's simple and direct, and it NEVER fails to get a positive response from a woman - if it's delivered with sincerity. Again, I won't say it if it isn't true.
Carlox Xuma's Closing Remarks
John: What type of guy do you feel is most likely to succeed with "dating dynamics?"
Carlos Xuma: Let's put it this way - if you're getting all the women you need in your life right now, and your confidence is through the roof every single day, you probably don't need my programs. But if you feel there's an area of your life - and not just your dating life! - that you want to take care of - to find more passion and purpose, to live what I call the Alpha Lifestyle, then you owe it to yourself to take a look at the information I share with guys every week. And especially if you've tried other "seduction" programs and found that you aren't making the progress you think you should.
John: Thank you Carlos for your time. If guys reading this wanted to take advantage of your services and products, how would they go about doing it?
Carlos Xuma: The best way for them to get acquainted with what I have to offer is to get on my free newsletter here:
I've got a ton of great information, including audio and video training on everything from inner confidence to how to approach.
Then, if it makes sense, they can take a look at my other programs that can help them massively increase their skills with women.
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