Monday, May 9, 2011

Approaching Girls - The Approach Anxiety Problem

Photo by martin@party-mania.nl
Did you know that one of the biggest reasons most guys fail in securing a date is because they never approached the girl? Approach anxiety is the name for it. That feeling most guys get right before they get the courage to walk up to and talk to a beautiful and attractive woman. Approaching girls is difficult for many, but thankfully it doesn't have to be.

When a man learns about approaching girls this dramatically improves his options when it comes to his dating life. Suddenly the idea of securing a date becomes much more realistic - and for some it means securing more than one date.

Today we are going to cover some practical tips for dealing with approach anxiety and learning to master the art of approaching girls. Once this lesson is under your belt you'll be on step closer to finding your perfect partner or spouse.Without having the skill set necessary for approaching girls you'll be doomed to having to allow women to pick you (if that ever happens) and trust me, that's not what you want.

Learning How to Approach Girls and Learning the Art of Approaching Girls
Tip One: Learn to Deal With Rejection First



Let's start at the beginning. No matter what you read or what you learn, it don't matter a hill of beans if you never go outside of your comfort zone and practice. Dating eBooks and dating articles can provide a lot of great dating information, but what they can't do is implement the knowledge for you. Thus, you actually have to get out into the real wold and work on applying what you learn. This means being willing to approach women and risking the probability of rejection. That doesn't sound fun does it?

It is perhaps one of the hardest things when it comes to approaching girls - dealing with rejection. You know how I got over the fear of rejection? By making myself get rejected on purpose until I reached a point where it just didn't phase me. Listen, rejection is part of the dating game. It happens to everyone. Hell, it's a part of life! You have to be able to shrug it off, remember the experience and what was learned from the rejection experience, be willing to pick yourself up, and go out there and try again!

Neil Strauss has an excellent strategy for learning to deal with rejection - go to a store and go ask a female clerk for an item in the store that you 100 percent know they don't have. Presto! Rejection. Do this at least five times a day for a week and you'll be surprised at how quickly rejection begins fade away.
The truth is rejection and disappointment, as has been mentioned, are apart of life. Learning to deal effectively with both of these is a sign of emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is something a guy should have before he even starts trying to date women. Why? Because emotional maturity is something else which women find attractive.


Learning How to Approach Girls and Learning the Art of Approaching Girls
Tip Two: Body Language Creates Attraction


Chances are you've heard or read a lot of great generic advice on approaching girls. You may have even tried such generic results by approaching girls. Did it work? Probably not.

The generic advice usually tells you to smile, make eye contact, walk up and compliment her, and offer to buy her a drink or some variation of this. The problem is, this is exactly what every guy out there is already doing when it come to approaching girls. It's obviously not working or else there would be more success stories about relationships from these guys.

Indirect communication is where it's all at. It's not so much about what you say, it's more about what you do with your body. The body language is what shows her that you are interested on a deeper level - and trust me when I say that most women are far more observant than men. The proper body language can induce romance, mystery, and uncertainty all at the same time. That, my friends, is what women love. So learn how to attract women with body language.



Learning How to Approach Girls and Learning the Art of Approaching Girls
Tip Three: Inner Game - The Seconds Rule

The majority of dating gurus are all clear about one thing. From the moment you lay eyes on a woman that's attractive and that you're interested in, you have a limited amount of time to approach them and interact with them in a confident way while working the magic of your body language. Some will say you should be approaching girls in three seconds and others will say you should be approaching girls in a second. 
Regardless, the point is you should make up your mind ahead of time that you will approach and say something to a girl you find attractive within a certain number of seconds. Hopefully, it will become almost instant. You spot girl, you immediately go over to talk to her. This is called preemptive decision making - because you've already mentally made the decision of what you'll do before the time comes to do it.

To practice this take some time to close your eyes and mentally see yourself approaching a woman that you find beautiful or attractive. See yourself doing it as soon as you see her. There is no rationalizing. There is no analyzing. There is no second guessing. Just do it. As soon as open your mouth, what words come out? What's a good thing to say? As David DeAngelo would say... "Hey" or "What's Up" works pretty well.

By playing this scenario over and over again in your mind you are in a sense remapping your neurons. You are retraining yourself. Now you just have to put the thoughts into actions enough times and it will become second nature. Easier said then done for many, but if I can do it, I'm sure anyone can. It just takes the right motivation and desire!